What did I understand in the last few years
I had been addicted to, something that was destroying
me. I even didn’t realize how I was becoming useless. In search of
shortcuts and asking for help and investment, I was wasting my time by trying
to become successful in one night.
After some time, I was thinking that why is this all
happening?? After so many refusals and negative responses, I realized:
Life is much better when you stop depending on others and
start catching your dreams.
The only shortcut to success is to work hard for a long
time.
One of the biggest mistakes we do which we don’t realize
& have been addicted to is “depending on others”.
The first step towards success is to understand that
whatever your goal is, you have to achieve it. No one else is free for you — nobody
cares for your dreams. Everyone is running the marathon for themselves, not for
you!!
Some traits I observed associated with a dependent
personality.
1. They have difficulty making everyday decisions without
advice and reassurance.
If you have been addicted to for asking help and advice you
gonna face difficulties on an everyday basis. If you want to change your life
do everything by your own. Come out of your comfort zone and take decisions by
your own.
2. They need others to assume responsibility for
many major areas of life.
The weak point of dependent people is that they don’t want
to own responsibility and make lame excuses like, no one helps me. Why would
someone takes your responsibility??!!
People with dependent personalities give up control of major
areas of life to another person out of fear. Fear of failure never lets you
succeed.
3.They have difficulty disagreeing with others out of
fear.
It’s just because of the lack of confidence. Once you have
been dependent on others It will be very difficult to make your own opinion.
Because you have code in your mind that he/she knows better will decide for me.
A dependent person does not feel worthy to express or have an opinion that
differs from someone else they feel they need.
4. They feel anxious when alone, or when thinking
about being alone.
Dependent people often expect the worst. They do not feel
competent to live their own lives without others. Being alone means being
unprotected and vulnerable. The thought of being alone to cope with whatever
“worst” life throws at them is simply overwhelming. Dependent people
wholeheartedly believe in Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go
wrong.
— — — — Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D.
5.They feel responsible for fulfilling the expectations
of others.
In dependency, the dependent person adopts the expectations
of the other person as their own. So when the dependent person fails, they fail
to meet not only the expectations of the other person but also their own. Each
failure strengthens the dependent person’s damaging judgment of self.
6.They have a high need for validation and approval from
others.
Dependent people can crave validation and approval as
desperately as an alcoholic craves a drink or a gambler craves a jackpot. When
validation and approval happen, the planets align and all is right with the
person’s universe, at least until insecurity kicks in again. So any “win,” though
desperately craved, is suspect as a mistake, at worst, or momentary, at best.
7.They are unable to create or defend personal
boundaries.
The only real boundary a dependent person has is to be
within the boundary of a desired relationship. Apart from that, all other
personal boundaries are fluid and negotiable in order to maintain the desired
relationship. A willingness to negotiate personal boundaries for a relationship
creates vulnerability. Some personality types look to exploit this type of
vulnerability. They are all-too-willing to find out how much a dependent person
is willing to give. And that pool of needs is never filled; the dependent
person cannot seem to give enough to fill it.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
—
Accepting the truth, though difficult, is the pathway to
freedom. The dependent person has spent time and energy trying to hold on
to relationships that constantly threaten to slip away. To heal, they must see
the value in expending time and energy in establishing relationships based on
truth.
Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D.
Hope you Loved this article and hope not to be addicted to
this drug!!!!
Thankyou
Asim Jaseem
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